"Be nice." In the South, that's what people my age were taught: always be nice. Don't say anything that would hurt someone's feelings or possibly offend them. When I was in my 20s (it's not like I had just gotten my learner's permit), I was driving with my dad in the passenger seat, and a guy pulled out right in front of us. I had to slam on the brakes and swerve to avoid hitting him, so I laid down on the horn. Guess who my dad got mad at? Not the guy who pulled out in front of us, but me for blowing the horn. I say that not to pick on my dad, but to show how much emphasis his generation put on "always be nice". Is being nice always the right approach, though? More importantly, if being nice is really the objective, we should consider this question: are there times when "being nice" is not actually "being nice"?
Is it "nice" to give a homeless person money when there's a good chance he will use it to buy alcohol or drugs? (I don't give them money - I offer to buy them a meal at the closest restaurant.) Should we remain silent while an alcoholic drinks himself to death because we want to "be nice" and avoid a confrontation? Conversely, is it mean spirited to raise the cutoff age for Social Security when people are living into their 90s instead of asking future generations to foot the bill? What if (horror of horrors) we offend someone by telling them God loves them and, to add insult to injury, we give them a Bible so they can learn more about it? Bottom line: is being nice telling people what they want to hear or what they need to hear?
Jesus had much to say about love and forgiveness: "whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also", "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5, NASB). He was also brutally honest at times: "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness." (Matthew 23:27, NASB) Above all, Jesus spoke the truth: gently or forcefully based on the situation and/or the audience. Believe me, it wasn't always what people wanted to hear.
Am I advocating getting in everyone's face over every little mistake they make? Not at all. There is a time and place for the truth, however, even if it's unpleasant: not spoken in anger but plainly with love and concern for the other person. Jesus tells us the proper procedure: "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector." (Matthew 18:15-17, NKJV) It's not easy to confront someone about their bad behavior, and it's even harder to distance yourself from a friend who won't listen (I know from personal experience), but sometimes it's the "nice" thing to do.
