Have you ever known someone that lives for confrontation? I've worked with several people like that over the years. Here are some of the things they have in common:
(a) You can't have a discussion with them. Everything has to be an argument.
(b) They think you're lying to them when they don't understand what you're saying. They would never consider the possibility that their lack of comprehension is the problem.
(c) They see everyone else as the problem when most of their problems are caused by their obnoxious behavior.
(d) They don't understand that berating someone will not accomplish anything. It just makes them hate you.
(e) They're paranoid - they think everyone is out to get them (and everyone is out to get them because they're so obnoxious).
(f) They have a hard time understanding why everyone hates them (I guess they wouldn't act that way if they did), or else they just don't care what anyone else thinks.
If you step back for a minute and look at them objectively, you'll see that they are lonely and bitter. What's really sad is that they choose to be that way (even if they don't realize it). They live in a one man prison cell, surrounded by walls of anger they built with their own hands. Like the song says, one is the loneliest number.
So how should we as Christians deal with people like this? We know the teachings from the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7): turn the other cheek, love your enemies, love your neighbor as yourself, etc. That should always be our first approach, but many Christians naively assume that if you do these things, an obnoxious person will automatically respond in kind. Here's the problem with that reasoning: they have a different view of the situation because they don't think like you. They're looking for a confrontation so any response you give them will be an excuse to start an argument. Sometimes (rarely) they will respond to your kindness but more often than not they will see it as a sign of weakness.
It's best to avoid obnoxious people, but what do you do if you have to interact with someone like that because he/she is a relative or co-worker? Should you respond to their bad behavior with similar behavior? No, that only gives them what they want (an argument) and makes the situation worse. ("Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself." Proverbs 26:4) Should you try to show them the error of their ways? You can try, but they probably won't understand. ("The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." Proverbs 12:15) I've dealt with a lot of people like this over the years, and the best advice I've seen is from Proverbs 14:7: "Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge." They're looking for a fight, so don't reward them by giving them what they want. Say nothing. Get up and walk away if necessary (easier said than done, of course). Ignore them. Put on your headphones & listen to music if they insist on continuing their one sided argument. I've been forced to drown someone out like that before. Some of my co-workers thought I was mean for doing it. This was my response: "How will this person ever learn if everyone continues to accept his bad behavior?" (Believe it or not, after several weeks it worked. We get along fine now.) Yes, Jesus taught us to love and forgive, but those teachings were never intended to be an endorsement of bad behavior.
